Snark alert, I’m jelly for everybody that had a blast at the Pinball Expo in Chicago this past week. Looks like an amazing time for all. To all those who worked hard to put on this great event, thank you. If you were there and reading, am genuinely happy and excited for you!
Well, except for those that had to wait 1+ hour to play the — cough, new — Metallica: Remastered game.
Yes, that game.
The one that’s been out since 2013 and is highly regarded — and for good reason.
It’s a fun pinball game to play. Absolutely zero shade toward the game itself. I like the game. Am sure when I get to play the Remastered version, I’ll like flipping that, too.
But. A few big ones. If you are a but person, you’ll like these buts.
But I wouldn’t — and won’t — wait (too long) in line to play an updated version of this or any remastered game. And If I wanted to buy this game, admittedly, I’d likely buy this version over the older one. So, from a sales standpoint, Metallica: Remastered is a good idea.
But the newest version I like is not the less expensive version, unfortunately. Thanks Stern. You are the worst kind of pinball wallet sniper.
It’s got a new slap of paint thanks to talented artist Rhys Cooper, presumably since Dirty Donny is out of commission and provides us with an absolutely awful sparkly leprechaun green premium artwork.
Seriously, look at that machine artwork color scheme … it’s the color, not so much the art, but I prefer Dirty Donny’s more animated-like work than Cooper’s, but Cooper’s art itself is OK.
But that fugly premium green color. OMG. Caught my first reaction live on Twitch here: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/2278441830 (“It’s like the Hulk just threw up all over Metallica’s pinball machine.”)
Now, this is partly tongue-in-cheek so put down the guns that weren’t in John Wick before getting too riled.
But since when has Metallica ever used this alien green color scheme before? No, really, when/where? Here’s a massive tapestry of a bunch of album and other Metallica art. Look for the green. See how often you can spot it. Warning, you might have to squint.
Somebody, anybody, point to some sort of album cover or movie or anything official Metallica with this sort of pronounced green coloring?
A PGM member pointed out one album cover — And Justice for All — that had a rather tame lime shade of green, but it still wasn’t the Hulk or Sleestak putrid green like premium Stern pin.
Let me compliment — greatly — on Cooper’s work on the Limited Edition, that is the superior version artistically from an art standpoint, and it’s not even close. Unless you’re a fan of a Land of the Lost meets Creature From the Black Lagoon Metallica rendering.
Another PGM Member MCAP, who likes Metallica even more than me (and I think the band is awesome, but moreso the 1980s early Metallica with Cliff Burton on bass, not the band as much in the 90s onward), why does the band look like they just dropped in from outer space? Before people are falling all over Rhys Cooper, what’s the deal with the Area 51 styling?
All this green reminds me of Soylent Green, remember that movie where — major spoiler alert (highlight to ruin the movie — people in the future are ground into food and served to the masses.
No, I don’t like the green art style, Stern + Mr. Cooper. Only one other PGM member agrees with me on this and I haven’t seen anybody else saying online they are disappointed by this color choice for the premium, so we’re likely deep in the minority on this one. Don’t care. Still don’t like it and happy to shout it out loud here for the world to hear. If you aren’t a fan of the Skittles green premium coloring, join us in the comments below. We might be an insignificant minority, but we the anti-greens exist.
Now, it’s entirely possible in person the green isn’t as undesirable. Will have to wait and see when I see one someday in the wild. I hope it’s not as bad as it looks to me in pictures and on video. Time will tell.
But that waiting in line thing for this game? Why? To be among the first in the world to say you played an updated version of a game nearing its teens in age? I’d wait in really short line for that. No longer.
So, yeah, wait 1+ hour in line to play a game that’s been out for 11+ years? Stern wins the award for keeping attention for a game that is… not new. Yeah, I know it’s remastered and technically new, but it’s essentially the same game updated to Spike 2 with a new Sparky, more songs, much better visuals on the backbox in LCD form instead of DMD, yes. If I was there instead of waiting in line, I’d be playing anything besides that (yes, including the new and more exciting X-Men).
Well, except for Barry O’s BBQ and I’ve heard from another PGM member that ABBA is pretty awful as well. So almost anything I’d rather play immediately versus waiting in line for a brief chance to flip a game older than our oldest grandchild.
I’m not going to obey my Metallica, Puppet Master, James.
Remastered Games vs. New Games
Now, let’s talk a bit about remastered games. This could really be a separate article, but while the riffing is strong, will continue.
These Remastered games might be good for Stern’s cash register, but they aren’t really this author’s cup of tea. I don’t want old machines updated in place of releasing new themes. It’s cool to have these updates as choices, sure, not arguing against their existence. But as something additional that doesn’t get in the way of the new stuff, please.
Metallica: Remastered release, spotlighted on the 40th annual Pinball Expo is — whether anybody wants to admit or not — stealing promo limelight from Stern’s real new game The Uncanny X-Men (see: The Uncanny X-Men (Stern 2024) Premium Detailed Thoughts after Flipping On Location). I see why Stern is doing this, because Metallica: Remastered will likely outsell X-men, but if that happens, it’s a bummer for Uncanny X-Men.
Yup, I feel kinda bad for Jack Danger.
On one hand, imagine the amazing journey Jack has had (so far) as a pinball streamer, a relatively unknown pinball streamer that Stern hired and was able to create a brand new Stern pinball game. That’s quite the career rise.
He worked his butt off designing The Uncanny X-Men, a fresh, creative, innovative, that ultimately gets rushed out prematurely, pushed up by months by the Stern execs only to have his game overshadowed a month later by an update of a great game by a mega popular rock band.
If I’m Jack, I’m somewhat annoyed at my employer. Jack will likely never admit anywhere publicly he was dissed this way, but I’ll happily state this for him.
This was a dick move, Stern.
You could have done the reverse and still sold a bunch of both machines. Launched Metallica: Remastered first, toward the ending dog days of summer, given Jack even more time to work on X-Men, then come out with X-Men for the show. Instead, you flipped the two in the release cycle and the last pinball man in, probably wins in this case. Sales-wise, anyway.
Yup, dick move.
Alienate one of your new designers, which will probably never say what I’m saying, but hey, I’ll say it for him and others thinking the same thing. Crappy thing to do. And I don’t even know why you’d release a Remastered anything without being the newest Spike 3 … it’s telling all of us, that Spike 3 must not be that good, because you’re going to update old games to a system that you’re about to update (Spike 2).
What a bummer.
Put down the pitchforks on the Metallica: Remastered bashing. I like the game, Well, I like the 11+ year old game but can’t see how I won’t like this newer version, too. I clearly don’t care for the green premium version artwork and style, but maybe in person it will look better like Godzilla 70th. It does look like a fun game, but I already know how it plays 😉
Congrats Stern, you can make folks wait in line an excessive amount of time at the Expo to play an older, remastered game. They didn’t put any non-John Wick guns to these pinball fans heads, mind you, but I’m sure all their tired feet standing around when they could have played X-Men or something else. Way to eat up show time waiting in line inside a place with a bunch of games to play, many without lines at all.
Stern proved they can overshadow with marketing a more innovative, fresher cornerstone game with an easy update (not saying technically converting the old DMD to the Spike 2 LCD didn’t take time and effort by skilled people, but the choice to do this was “easy”) to a good music pin (call me biased because I own one, but Iron Maiden: Legacy of Beast is a better game than either version of Metallica). Thumbs down on this move from me. I’ll tell you straight up, others might be afraid to say so, but am not here to give you reach-arounds when you do things I don’t like.
And before people start dropping the “hate” word unnecessarily. I’m not hating on anything or anyone here. I’m being honest about something that I think is uncool.
In the last 30 days I’ve bought two new in box Stern pinball machines, so am not just some random internet nobody talking without spending any money. I’m a Stern customer, so put away the text weapons, this is a free country with free speech and we should be able to speak out openly against stuff we don’t like from a company we do like without a bunch of people freaking out. The internet would be a better place if most people understood this, instead of just constantly being in fear that having a contrary opinion means you in any way, shape or form, endorse hate speech. I don’t. Ever.
But hey, to end on another but, remember the great, green one.
Um, no, not that little guy.
No, not her either. Although I do think the green M&Ms are the best. This one:
No, KerMetallica, It’s not easy being green.